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Instilling
Honesty in Your Child
by
Tracy Sherwood, the Tutor's Tutor
As
heard on KFI Talk-Radio
When
a child lies, it is for one of three reasons:
to filfill some want, to gain favor or ally, or
for fear of consequences of telling the truth.
Personal integrity can be instilled to resolve
all three of these reasons to lie, as long as
the adult in charge sets an example of integrity
and makes it safe for the child to tell the truth.
The ability of the child to accept the consequences
of telling the truth depends upon his personal
integrity. It seems like a vicious cycle but the
cycle can be broken and worked through to increase
the integrity and honesty of the child. Very often,
parents need some help to gain insight, communication
skills and to deal with their own integrity issues
before the child will have any chance of coming
around. But this is personally satisfying and
beneficial for the parents as well.
There
are factors that can make this process surprisingly
swift or difficult. These factors involve yet
others in the environment and the integrity, honesty,
and communication skills of each.
For
example, when a child who lies, (let's call him
David), has siblings, friends and peers who lie,
it will of course adversely influence David. The
greater number of external negative influences
that we can curtail, the easier our job will be.
For example if a sibling lies or has a bad habit
of tattling and pointing the blame to David, that
sibling should be in on the learning and changes
that are to take place in ever way.
If David
has friends that lie, it's a little tougher to
handle because David will be protective of his
friends until he has gained some integrity. That
integrity will come through various phases beginning
with a feeling of regret and shame and move upward
into a feeling somewhat like self-righteousness
before really earned. But this is the route and
the way through. Eventually David will acquire
some sense of humility and become somewhat humble
in his new-found integrity.
This
humbleness indicates that David has found out
who he reallly is and doesn't feel the need to
act or try to have integrity - it becomes natural..
He's come to understand that all of us make mistakes
and that we are each responsible for our own actions.
The need to reduce his guilt by pointing fingers
diminishes and real change takes place in David's
personal integrity.
But
how is integrity instilled? How do we begin? What
are the steps and what can be expected as we go?
How do we handle different situations on the way
up and how do we as parents, make sure we know
what we're doing as we do it?
This
integrity cannot be instilled by lectures and
punishment as can be witnessed in our criminal
punishment system. Such will only make one more
bitter and careful to not get caught. It is an
entirely different process to bring about one's
personal integrity. It's a personal thing and
although parents who know what they are doing
can bring it about, it must come from within David.
It's an exact process that follows nature. It
abides by the laws of nature in terms of good
and evil, strength and fear. If one knows these
laws regarding human nature and is able to understand
his own thought, intentions, flaws, and reasons
for his own actions and reactions, he can help
David. Otherwise, he cannot.
These
laws of nature are not mysterious just because
they are not known to most. They are simply
not known. It takes a few months of education
and practice, and then change will be seen and
trust and calm will come to the home provided
the knowledge is used. Then you will find out
how integrity naturally breeds integrity.
When
response proves demand, I give a seminar/workshop
series to help families in this and many other
related areas. If you would like to attend a workshop,
and know others who may like to attend, let's
do it!
Email or call me. It's a wonderful
adventure.
Tracy
Sherwood
1-888-KFI-TUTOR
(1-888-534-8886)
Cell:
818-469-0278
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